**The Baffling Case of Theodore Rex: A Futuristic Dinosaur Detective**
The term “direct-to-video” is often associated with low-budget projects that cannot secure a wide theatrical release. Generally, this is the correct logic to follow. However, there is a 1996 movie that defies all logic called _Theodore Rex_ – A $33.5 million “buddy cop” sci-fi movie starring Whoopi Goldberg and the film’s eponymous anthropomorphic dinosaur, whose depiction is a little too enthusiastic by George Newbern (_father of the bride_).
While generally I’m a huge fan of those “bad but good” games, _Theodore Rex_ is one of those movies that confuses me until my dying breath. What’s more, I feel like New Line Cinema is aware of this fact, which is why you can’t find the film on any streaming platforms at the time of writing.
**Futuristic Dinosaur Detective?**
Theodore Rex is a clumsy but lovable dinosaur named Theodore Rex who wants to be a detective, and a new kid named Katie Coltrane (Whoopi Goldberg) and the futuristic cop, disgraced and rude, is tasked with solving a murder involving the dinosaur against her will. This triggers a grand conspiracy about evil billionaire Eliza Kane (Armin Mueller-Stahl), who wants to use fish DNA to start a new ice age, and why…
**Confusing Character Design**
The most frustrating part is _Theodore Rex_ That’s its character design. I’ll be the first to admit, no matter what type of movie this is, the walking and talking dinosaur puppets would look great for a light-hearted mid-90s flick, but their personalities make absolutely no sense and seem to be for the sole purpose of making the audience laugh on screen while saying “Haha, that’s so random!”
For example, Theodore Rex has an automatic cookie launcher in his beautifully decorated penthouse that he uses when he wants a snack. Let’s unpack this first, because our dinosaur detective hero is low on the totem pole in his PR career, and only **eager** Become a police officer in the first act.
How can Theodore Rex afford this lifestyle, and why does he like cookies so much?
What was he doing on the sidelines, preparing a seemingly endless supply of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies in an apartment so large that even Frasier Crane would be jealous of his living situation? Are cookie shooters custom made? At least we know his giant rear-end accommodation van was purchased with taxpayer money, but I have no compelling reason to believe Theodore Rex had “cookie shooter money” by any stretch of the imagination.
**Whoopi Goldberg Doesn’t Want to Be There**
In a 2015 interview with Folha de São Paulo, Whoopi Goldberg bluntly stated that she did not want to star in the film _Theodore Rex_. In fact, producer Richard Gilbert Abramson filed a $20 million lawsuit against Goldberg when he allegedly verbally agreed to star in Katy in 1992 Katie Coltrane and attempted to withdraw from the film’s production. It’s obvious.
There’s not a single punchline in it _Theodore Rex_ Goldberg’s face showed no concern, as if to say, “I can’t believe I said this out loud.” It wasn’t until the third act that it was revealed that Katie Coltrane was a cyborg, This adds nothing to the plot except to explain why she walks around so aloof most of the time – like a drugged cat following a laser pointer. Part of me wonders if this reveal was simply added to the script to explain the soullessness of Goldberg’s actions and lines.
Whoopi Goldberg was paid $7 million _Theodore Rex_.
**It’s Okay If You Want to Pass This One**
In conclusion, _Theodore Rex_ is a movie that defies logic and makes no sense. Its character design is confusing, and Whoopi Goldberg’s involvement is questionable. If you’re a fan of bad movies, you might find this one entertaining, but for everyone else, it’s okay to pass on this one.
**FAQ**
Q: What is _Theodore Rex_ about?
A: _Theodore Rex_ is a sci-fi movie about a dinosaur detective who teams up with a human cop to solve a murder.
Q: Why is _Theodore Rex_ not available on streaming platforms?
A: New Line Cinema is aware of the movie’s poor quality and has chosen not to make it available on streaming platforms.
Q: Whoopi Goldberg was paid $7 million for this movie. Is it worth it?
A: It’s subjective, but based on the movie’s poor quality, it’s unlikely that the $7 million was worth it.
Q: Is _Theodore Rex_ a good movie?
A: No, _Theodore Rex_ is a bad movie. Its character design is confusing, and its plot is nonsensical.The Agony of “Theodore Rex” (1996): A Movie That Shouldn’t Have Been Made
In a world filled with endless technological advancement, wars, economic downturn, and ecological disasters, escaping the horrors of modern life can be a welcome respite. For some, watching a movie like “Theodore Rex” (1996) might be a way to momentarily forget the hardships of reality. But for many others, including this writer, the thought of enduring this 92-minute monstrosity is enough to make one want to pull their hair out.
Writer-director Jonathan Tasni undertook the challenging task of blending sci-fi, action, and comedy elements, tasking actors Whoopi Goldberg and George Newbern with making the best of an already-precarious situation. The end result is a movie that left audiences and critics alike scratching their heads, asking, “What were they thinking?”
What makes “Theodore Rex” such a trainwreck? Where do we even begin? The film’s convoluted premise centers around a robot detective attempting to solve a series of murders in a dystopian future. But the plot is bogged down by a lack of coherence, wooden dialogue, and over-the-top performances. Even the usually-talented Goldberg struggles to elevate her character, a tough-as-nails detective named Rita, above the level of one-dimensional caricature.
The pacing is equally dire, with long moments of exposition separated by clunky action sequences. The special effects, much like the script, are laughable, with wooden puppets and awkward green screen work that dates the film further. Newbern’s character, however, has the unenviable task of playing a villain whose sole purpose seems to be cackling maniacally and monologuing about his dastardly plans.
For those who insist on seeking out “Theodore Rex” for reasons unknown, there is a silver lining: its not available on streaming platforms, sparing you the trouble of having to subject yourself to its mediocrity. Alas, for those willing to scour the depths of their local video stores or settle for a discontinued VHS copy, you’ve been warned: proceed with caution.
**FAQs:**
1. Is “Theodore Rex” available on streaming platforms?
No, it is not.
2. How did the movie’s production come together?
Unfortunately, we can only speculate. It seems that the creative team may not have had a clear direction or vision for the film.
3. Is the movie any good?
No, according to both critics and audiences.
4. What’s the best way to experience “Theodore Rex”?
Try not to, as noted above.
**Conclusion:**
In the midst of a chaotic world, finding respite through entertainment is crucial. Unfortunately, “Theodore Rex” does not provide that. Instead, it’s a cringe-worthy, poorly made attempt at blending genres that only serves to distract from the very same issues it purports to address. While it may be entertaining for the punishers out there, for most of us, it’s best to leave “Theodore Rex” in the dustbin of cinematic history.
